"If not you, then who?"
Sharing thoughts normally sequestered to a private journal is a little scary, isn't it? My first post. My involuntary smile must indicate bliss...
Before departing, Jesus taught his disciples about the Holy Spirit remaining in each of them after he departed. John 14:16 -- "..and I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you...He is the Holy Spirit who leads into all truth...We will come and make our home in each of them...I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give you is a gift the world cannot give."
This entry might resonate for one scattered, stressed, or doubtful. God speaks. Whether we choose to listen, heed & abide is a personal choice. I am reticent to share the entry below at the risk of seeming boastful, but the message others could hear from their own indwelling Spirit may be equally crowing and remarkable. Here goes......
Rarely I cry. In gratitude, joyful tears are the usual flavor that befall my lips; however, this morning, salty cleansing tears flowed & hugged my jawline. A nasal-passages-clogging meltdown. Physical wear and tear of anxiety & panic reached a zenith at 3 AM.
Losing sight of dreams & desires, lost in the utter busy-ness of spinning plates mid-air takes one's eyes off the prize of Peace & Purpose.
What is my Purpose?
What is my Passion?
Can I name even one Fantasy?
Just one?! One....one....?
What am I here to do?
Am I being a good steward with my life?
My internal governor pressing & stressing to do more, learn more, give more, be more, connect more, battling with "Being Still" & to "Cease Striving," proclaimed so simply in Proverbs.
The enemy (unworthy of a capital "E") was knocking at the door, dueling with God's Peace, Wisdom and Knowing that strive to dominate my mindset. I almost answered the door, but recognized it was a stranger there to do harm, and wreak havoc, so I didn't open it.
Change.
Adjustment.
Realignment.
Re-calibration.
Essential.
Swathed in a blankie, Jesus' muscular right hand reached down, cupped, appearing to hold a treasure. "Evie, give Me all of your troubles & concerns. Place all your worries in My hand. Empty your mind here with Me."
I felt Him right here 15 years ago, but haven't invited God onto my couch frequently enough. Reliable, Constant Friend Jesus was there without judgment. Full of compassion to receive all that I had to cry until the tears were wrung from my eyes and healthy moisture restored.
My breathing returned to normalcy too as physical & mental anxiety lifted like a plume through the ceiling. I then spoke words aloud that must have been from Him because they were a completely different tune than before the unusual meltdown.
"Evie, I created you to be different. I gave you a constant glowing light & brightness that few possess long-term. Look around. Some possess Light occasionally, momentarily after their own storm, but their light douses quickly. Others possess their own beautiful light like you, but with their own spiritual gifts and style that are then gifts to you and others. You are here for Change. You are here to Stir Change. Change in yourself. Change in others, but not of your control. You are here to be Me in every interaction. You are here to be Me. You are here to plant seeds. You are here to use that external beauty, sparkle & vivacious spirit, noticed when you arrive, to connect with others. Let others come to the conclusion that it is Me they are feeling. You are going to be blessed with a long & healthy life to be just that. The Sparkle & Warmth someone needs to see or feel inside."
"Don't worry about orchestrating ways to meet a good man. Do What You love. If you meet someone while doing something you enjoy, it will be a divine & Divine connection. Do what you love. Do what makes your inner light glow more intense."
"Do you hear me? I made you to deliver who I am in your own way. I gave you a gift..a soft, calm voice and a gentle sweet countenance to speak to others in a way that not everyone can. I gave you the gift of an extensive and eloquent vocabulary to reach them. You are able to inspire a cultural Jew to know Me in one conversation. You have garnered attention from a highly-educated Mormon to appreciate a softer & maybe clearer view of Me. You are able to direct a young already-Christian movie producer to learn more about Who I Truly Am to consider a production with Me in mind. You even draw people in when you pray in public. You remind people who I am when you ask "WWJD?" or simply request someone not curse in your presence because of the negative energy spewed leaving his or her mouth."
"I know you want something tangible to "justify your existence," but seek Lifelong Joy through the Intangible. Things one cannot see, touch, or taste. Lead others to Me in every interaction. Your profession allows you to interface with myriads. You live fairly lighthearted & carefree. You will enjoy success without much effort. You don't need to strive too hard. Just Shine My Light everyday in all matters."
"Evie, I want to you be a Revolutionary. Don't worry if you touch thousands with your writing or your website. I will take care of that. I am asking you to start a Revolution. One that puts an end to the discourtesy of others. One that makes a man tip his hat to a stranger, rather than not care..or even worse, flip him off. One that pulses a lady to anonymously leave flowers on a neighbor's threshold like a mezuzah in reverse -- the recipient knowing he or she is welcome in his or her own neighborhood. One that notices & celebrates the smile of a child or grandma or homeless person lost in his tracks."
"If not you, then who?"
"I created you to be unlike any other."
"I created you to lead and not follow."
"You can do this."
"If not you, then who?"
'turns out, the strong right hand of God that appeared to be cupping a treasure, in the physical realm appeared bare, but possessed an intangible treasure. Intangibles really can offer miracles.
Pretty productive for an early morning cry, right?
He will do the very same for you.. if you offer your attention & quiet moment.
Crying is optional.